The Art of Ghosting

Ghosting. You may have been a victim, culprit or perhaps witness to ghosting at some stage or another. Or you may have never even heard of it – in which case let me enlighten you. Essentially ghosting is when someone who you’ve had steady contact with over a period of time, intentionally  and usually suddenly, drops off the face of the planet.

Ghosting as a phenomenon is a part of our generations norm and for all parties involved I strongly feel this is a huge regression in how we as a society work. We have endless open transparency and constant always on social platforms but yet when push comes to shove we haven’t the same outlook towards ending relationships, situation-ships and often friendships.

So let’s see if you can relate to either of the following scenarios..

The victim.

So you’re seeing someone a while now, let’s say you met them on Tinder (Fun Fact: increased likelihood for Ghosting deriving from Tinder partners). You’ve been on a heap of dates, you’ve told all your friends – they know him by name, they’ve probably even christened him a new name. You two get along great and by all means are capable thus far of communication.

And then it starts, slowly but surely you find yourself at the end of an unanswered text, a string of cancelled plans or a distinguished Snapchat streak.

Now you’ve been known to jump to conclusions once or twice in your time, but let me tell you, the ghosting process has accelerated your conclusion jumping from a mere puddle hop to a full-blown Olympic Pole vault. You’ve replayed scenarios, you’ve revised the weeks of messages, you’re about 2 unanswered calls away from recruiting Jessica Fletcher to get to the bottom of this mystery. Is it me? Does he hate my jokes? Does he think I’m boring – God am I boring? (No. You’re not boring)

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Quickly your girls Whatsapp group has become a reassurance support line.

The “No you’ll hear from him, you defffff will.. Don’t worry” lines slowly migrate to staunch utterings of him being a ‘giant dickhead’ and an onslaught of slagging everything from his choice of footwear to his love of Jacobs cream crackers quickly escalates.

At the end of it all you come to the acceptance stage – the good news is you get here quicker than you’d think. You realise that anyone immature and inconsiderate enough to deprive you of a simple explanation of why they don’t want to continue whatever this was, is not worth your time anyway. From there you can go forth and while you’ll be forever conscious of the ghosters of this world you’ll have the balls to never be one.

The culprit.

So things have started out well, you’ve had a solid 8 or so weeks of dates, you’ve met his friends, he’s met yours. It’s going well. It’s going well.. until it isn’t. You’re not sure why but you’re suddenly not feeling it. Could be his use of the word ‘stellar’ when describing anything that has ever happened, possibly his endless ‘great tune’ titled Snapchats of his car radio, perhaps it was his constant need to quote Conor McGregor at every given opportunity – Yes I get it you’re not here to take part you’re here to take over – calm down its a round of crazy golf pet.  Most probably it was something less personal. Could be timing, he’s looking for full-fledged commitment, and you, well you can barely commit to buying a 5 day bus pass.

Whatever the reason you’ve come to the conclusion you’re out. You’ve made the decision and you feel there isn’t much need for discussion, it’s your decision anyway. Not like you were married, he didn’t even like your dog to be fair.

So you say nothing, two texts.. four.. eight texts later you begin to find the drone of hopefull texts repulsive. A fleeting thought enters your mind – maybe it’d just be easier to text him and tell him you’re over it, kindly let him down and just communicate the whole thing like an adult?

Nope. No can do. The 6 minute awkward conversation would no doubt out weigh the week-long avoidance of his messages and desperate funny cat video tags on Facebook.

You my friend, are a shit.

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Whether it be a single date or a dozen there’s no legitimate excuse to ever leave someone on a ledge of uncertainty. It takes literally a minute to compose a text, a minute of your time to save them hours of analysis, worry and perhaps prevent a waterfall of self-doubt.

We live in this age of constant consumption and in many regards the ease of access that lends itself to most parts of our social lives has destructed what it means to be able to communicate effectively with people.

While it might seem the easy option and not a big deal – ghosting’s bent, like it’s so bent. But hey, I’m not here to tell you what to do, by all means if you can justify being a massive douche bag continue at your leisure, however my final thoughts on ghosting people can be summarised with the below image.

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And for those of you who may have been ghosted at one point or another – don’t sweat it you’re not alone and you’re not to blame. In fact you’re fabulous and can do without any Casper impersonators in your life.

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One thought on “The Art of Ghosting

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