How not to die in January…4 essential tips.

So I spent the day on suicide watch for the gals, all of whom were deeply traumatised at the prospect of returning to work today. Luckily, I hadn’t really had a moment to think about the daunting process till I found myself getting up for work this morning with a slightly groggy head, both from not having seen 7AM in 3 weeks and the few glasses of wine I finished my Christmas holidays on last night. Anyway it wasn’t until I checked the group chats on route to work to find my friends complaining as if they were being sent to a summer camp in Aleppo that I realised the January blues had really set in.

At this point I found it altogether hilarious and really couldn’t see the same issue with January. I kinda like January, just the same way I like Mondays. It’s really just all about how you look at them, anyway I do get that the month and this week particularly is a pain in the hole for most so I’ve compiled some v helpful, less orthodox tips for having a fab Jan.

1. December’s convos are null and void.

The most important thing to remember in order to avoid an out and out month-long case of the fear, is that all drunken conversations you had with anyone throughout the month of December, and into the early hours of January first, are now redundant and as good as dead. That means everything from the incoherent spiel you gave Joanna from your office at the Christmas party, to the ossified chat you had with your ex on Christmas eve, all of it is now invalid and you need to stop worrying about it because it’s done, finito, capish! Likeeeewise you must also honour this rule and disregard any drunken nonsense delivered to you over the festivities, remember.. null. and. void. 


2. Realistic Goals, no like really.. 

OK I’m all for setting goals as big as you can and smashing them, I love that shit. By all means, climb the mountain if you want, do a marathon, go to China, whatever, but maybe set goals you can achieve in the short-term too. Realistic things that’ll give you a little lump of satisfaction in the next few weeks, things like maybe stop reading the Daily Mail on the way to work, as you’re quite aware it’s making you brain dead, read actual news, better yet read a book. Things like stop saying “Ah I’ll do it in the morning” before going to bed in regards to sorting out everything you must have organised for the following day and actually do it before bed, allowing you a little less guilt while hitting the snooze button 23 times. The pressure of January being this point in time where you set all these monumental goals can be diarrhoea inducing for some people, I get that, although I kind of enjoy it I’ll admit I’ve all the goals and the plans for 2017 and that’s grand but you don’t need to feel pressured into them either way.


3. You don’t have to do dry January if you don’t want to. 

Alright we all got the #DryJan snaps in, pretending we’re on route back to our pioneer days, yes, yes the bandwagon was full of good intentions but you know what, the bandwagon’s often shite craic. I mean yeh, fair enough, you drank for 21 days straight and your skin is a slight tinge of yellow which is probably less from the Coco Brown and more from the liver failure buuuut you had a great effing time! And yeh OK the first few days of not drinking were tough, you related a lot to the lunchbox full of cold turkey in the fridge but sure there’s no need to hit it on the head altogether if you don’t want. Have the wine of a Friday, enjoy your life, be grand, really it will.


4. You also don’t have to be a New Year New You, you were probably great last year too. 

Closely situated to the Alcohol Abstinence Association of Instagram you will be sure to find the Fitfam’s of Insta, back on a similar bandwagon and gracing the gyms with the conviction of a bulldog. Now first off fair play to them, like you can most definitely relate to their journey, indeed it is the first week in January and the skirt that fit you perfectly on Christmas eve is now being pushed to the absolute limits by the boundaries of every calorie you ate going straight to your rear end, so this of course is an admirable endeavour. However if it’s not something you’re quite ready for at this exact moment then don’t be pressured into it. Take your time the bandwagon will always be there, have another week to finish whatever purple roses are left in the tin and then see how you feel. Apart from the aesthetics, if you’re A-Okay with the you you were last year then by all means keep her lit.


And there you go, as I said January’s really just another month at the end of the day so I wouldn’t sweat it. I do think it’s a great opportunity to start over again and I probably won’t follow those tips, apart from the “dry Jan” one obviously but if you’re not feeling it don’t get hung up on it, it’s all G!

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