In the ever single world of my gal pals and I, I’ve come to notice a distinctive trend emerging, within all of our dating lives there seems to be a character profile of men we encounter at one stage or another. Some, we end up with for years, some are a fleeting fling, what I find so interesting about these different characters is firstly how well they seem to fit a reoccurring template, secondly is what we take from these experiences and characters. No doubt if you’ve swam in the dating pool at some stage in your life you’ll relate to at least one of these.
Le Belle et le Fuckboy
Truth be told I think it’s essential we all date a Fuckboy at some stage or another, it sets the bar for what you ought to accept in a relationship. I’d probably encourage it as more of a brief social experiment rather than a long-lived romantic chase mind you. The thing about Fuckboys is that we have to understand that they’re really just functioning from a place of complete underdeveloped emotional incapacity – given they play on that profusely and make no attempt at developing one, but sure look thats another days work.
You know from the get-go that you’re on to something a little worrying, he’s got this vivaciously captivating act – he’s charming, charismatic and can make you feel like the only gal on the planet. You can’t help but ask what the catch is here, he just seems so effing fantastic… nearly too effing fantastic?
The penny slowly drops as you realise you’ve encountered le Fuckboy. You start to observe things like his communication pattern being similar to that of an Atlantic fishing boat, you could hear from him all day every day for weeks and all of a sudden his 20 second response time has jumped to an 8 week reply, is he just keeping you on your toes? Possibly – that or the other 32 people he’s texting have kept him occupied, who knows?
The girls will always know long before you. They’re wide of the Fuckboy nature of the subject in question, they’ll highlight their concerns in any of the following ways “Hmmm I don’t know something doesn’t seem right” to “He’s literally a moron, you need to offload him at the nearest bin” and even though you trust these gals with your whole entire life you still think you know best, and more over, ‘you know him better’. *eyeroooooll*
After some time you’ll see the holes in this captivating act for what they are, overcompensation for the fact he has no emotional maturity whatsoever, and while I’d love to say you were the one who saw sense & discarded the Fuckboy first, that’s generally not the case and 9 times out of 10 you’ve been at the bitter end of a Fuckboy scenario, after all, they’re called Fuckboys for a reason.
Fear not because once you’ve been fucked over by a Fuckboy you make sure you never let it happen again, kind of a bright side right?
The she’s just not that into you one..
For as long as you’ve known him you’ve been so very acutely aware of just how much he was into you. Maybe it started out as a mutual thing, slowly you began to like him a little less, you drifted distancing yourself at a glacial pace. He, on the other hand, became increasingly infatuated. You’re well aware that you’d live a picture perfect life with him, having him worship the ground you walk on forever more, he’s made it so clear just how in awe of you that he is and while you care so much about him you don’t have the same capacity to return the feelings. You really really wish you did, God, how your life would be smooth sailing – but you don’t, and you can’t. It will one day get to a point where the endearing nature of the whole thing is terribly off putting and truth be told freaks you out. While it’s awfully ironic that we’ve been told to settle for someone who treats you like a Princess you have to remember that if that means settling for something that doesn’t really excite you you’re probably better off remaining your own Princess.
The Sober Second Date Saga..
So this one usually doesn’t make it too far out of the traps but you have to count it as a lesson just incase. First date went well, you went for a few drinks, he seemed funny and interesting you got along fine, sure you think upon reflection the few drinks may have blurred the edges slightly. Was he really that interesting? Did he actually seem funny? You settle on a sober second date and all is revealed, without the buzz of the Pino to keep conversation flowing you quickly realise this chap is really not what you thought. His excessive laugh and ridiculous comments are audible to the entire vicinity you wonder how you didn’t notice he might not even be dealing from a full deck before now. You can’t get out of there quick enough, you make a stealthy escape and end the date by 9.15 only to have him text you praising the night as a total success and trying to schedule another. You try you’re best not to Ghost him and decide telling him you’re moving to Yemen is the only out.
Mr. Vanilla, you know the one, the one the girls are all rooting for, the one you bail on time and time again but yet he’s still there as nice as pie waiting for your next response. Don’t get me wrong the chap is usually terribly lovely, funny and probably good looking too, but he’s just vanilla.. Now he might not be vanilla for everyone I mean some people love vanilla but he is for you and you hate vanilla. You’ve tried your best at the will of the ever optimistic gals you can’t make yourself like vanilla, you’re a chocolate chip at the very least kind of girl. Truth be told you deserve the chocolate chip with caramel sauce and whipped cream, life’s just too short for vanilla.
Mr Perfect on Paper
If you had a checklist of things you want in your ideal guy he would have the list checked and delivered. He’s physically your type, he’s humorously your type, you two are on the same wave length in every capacity. Looks – tick, humour – big tick, interests – tick, you’re both on the same page and the checklists complete, what more do you need? Mr Perfect on paper is just that, he’s perfect, he is so together and so with it all that he’s too perfect. The guy never puts a foot out of line, his insatiable act of intrigue has left you looking at Mr.Perfect like a prized possession as opposed to someone you can be a human with. There’s only so much perfect you can take from a guy before you just want grit. I mean really who want’s perfection all the time, it’s more than just letting your walls down it’s a display of trust. It gets to a stage where you want to see the flaws, you kinda need a dash of vulnerability, be a human for a minute. At the end of the day you know you’re not perfect so being with someone who appears to be kinda gives you hives, perfect on paper kinda needs to just stay on paper some times.
Maybe you’ve dated one of these, maybe you’re currently dating all five, I’m sure there is plenty more types and sub-types within the dating pool or even overlapping examples. At the end of the day it’s our natural instinct to complain and categorise your dating misdemeanors as such, the inside of every girls Whatsapp group is proof of that. While you’ll spend forever picking flaws you’ll really only ever find the dating pool enjoyable when taken with a pinch of salt in the knowledge that you’re pretty fab yourself and really don’t need to rely or settle for any of the above, the twenties are for collecting these questionable characters and entertaining stories after all.