Tinder? Completed it mate.
No seriously though I feel I could write a novel on Tinder that would make Ulysses look like a quick read. Whether you’ve been on Tinder for yeeears or maybe just had a quick go at your friends Tinder you’re sure to relate to the following..
1. Cute dog Tom, well played, can I match with dogs? Is there an app for that?
2. Ooooooh hellooo Ed. Nice smile. There’s Ed in Sydney I wonder how long he was in Oz for. There’s Ed & his pals, great they all look normal. Oh Ed played county, looks well in his jersey… Ugh a mirror selfie, you were doing so well Ed..
3. Did I miss the Tinder field trip to Machu Picchu?
4. 6’1, 5’11, 6’4.. Ok so I also missed the Tinder height requirement field apparently.
Should I list my height? What height even am I? Do they want cm or ft? DAD.. Where’s the measuring tape??
5. “Seeking little spoon”…
Try the top drawer Rob, left of the oven, usually there beside the knives.
6. “Rodger, in town till Thursday looking for a Tour guide”
Nice try Rodger get yourself down to O’Connell St and hop on the Viking Splash like everyone else, ya chancer.
7. Top off selfie.. Nope.
8. An Anchorman quote.. Wow, that’s original, and so audience appropriate too…
9. “Must like burritos”… Ok calm down there Pablo, Boojum is not a religion.
10. Oh I see what you’re doing here Alan, yeh include those photos with your hot friend so I think he’s you..
11. Well there’s a kid. Is that his kid? Maybe it’s his nephew, or his brother..
Why hasn’t he clarified the ownership of the child anywhere?… I could be a step mom.
12. Tom, 31, Web Developer… So essentially you’re a spider..
*laughs at own joke for unreasonable length of time*
13. Who’s she? She looks like a girlfriend, why would he have pictures of an ex?
They’re probably friends…. Nope there she is again… Maybe she’s his sister…
14. Yeh sure just list generic objects and activities with some emojis. Sure if you can’t summarise yourself in 6 to 8 emoji’s do you even know who you are?
15. Left, Left, Left, Left, Fuck!.. He was hot.
16. “Congratulations, You have a new match”..
Better check what my profile looks like… again.
17. One picture? That’s a nope from me Mark… If that’s even your real name.
18. Listen Niall you’re pushing a weak 6, those rules in your bio are far too ballzy for a weak 6.
19. Ok seriously what is a hedge fund?
20. Ah, a sedated Lion, nice..
21. Dan, 29, Full time mad bast… Nope.
Hope you enjoyed!
Let me know if I forgot any in the comments below or on the Instagram @cmeretillitellyou