A Guide to The Girls WhatsApp Group

Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of the gals WhatsApp group, a mystical place known only to the female race. The A-Typical 20 something female will find herself in anything from 1 to 20 WhatsApp groups at some point or another, but there will always be one holy grail group, your go to group, the chamber of secrets, a vault for all things relating to every part of your life.

So here is the no holes barred coverage of the A-Typical Gals WhatsApp Group, if you’re a fellow Gals WhatsApp Group member how similar is it to yours, or if your a guy getting some insight prepare to be informed..

CTITY_Final_Whatsapp

 

Members of the WhatsApp Group:

Within the Gals WhatsApp group you will always find an assortment of the following characters:

  • One who always sends memes: Mainly communicates only in meme’s not quite sure when they last actually typed anything but a much loved member of the group regardless.
  • The over-sharer: Will disclose everything from company bank details to bowel movements, has zero filter and is an endless source of entertainment.
  • One who is 45 years late to the convo: Contributes her opinion of the topic, 4 months after it has been discussed.
  • The one with a lot of love to give: This member usual contributes unnessasery Xx’s at the end of every message, despite nobody else doing so and despite it not being 2006.
  • The one who only communicates in voice memos: She is literally too lazy to type so will only use voice memos has also been instructed not to voice memo during business hours as nobody can listen in work.
  • The one who lives in Oz/UAE/Canada: Regularly has FOMO due to missing out on the group plans but remains anyway to give untimely input on convos hours later due to the time difference.
  • The one who ALWAYS needs relationship advice: Also the same woman who ALWAYs gives relationship advice, despite being hopeless in relationships
  • The Lurker: Reads everything, responds to nothing, but will reference something you said in the group 6 months later in a social setting. If she does pop her head into the conversation it’s usually only to ask “Who else is going?” with regards to the organising of an event or night out.

Key Elements of the WhatsApp Group:

The WhatsApp group is usually laced with everything from the monumental milestones of your life to the minor mundane pebbles of your everyday. You and your gal pals share everything from details of the absolutely amazing or awful sex you had last night to what you ate for breakfast. Also it’s highly likely that your main group has had a few layers shed over the years, and reincarnated itself as a very similar title minus a few members a few times over in order to shed the distant friend from the group – bitchy yeh, but true.

Screenshots of convo’s with boys or significant others:
“Girls help what do I say?” The basis of every important convo with the guy you’re seeing is usually composed within the walls of the gals WhatsApp group and often should be cited due to the volume of contributors. The WhatsApp chat also hosts the “Girls look at the fucking cheek of him” screenshots too, a safe heaven for much-needed occasional bitching about your man. I personally have never dated a guy who hasn’t in one way or another contributed to the screenshots of the gals group and I wouldn’t be the only one.

Media:
If your media count isn’t in the 4 digits are you sure you’re even friends?

Memes:
Memes for days, usually contributed by the meme giver listed above.

Attempts to organise nights out:
Here’s the suss, you are all the best of friends and love each other oh so dearly but at the same time also maintain very hectic schedules and cannot agree on a set date to do anything, ever. Brexit was organised with less time and resources than your summer gals trip to Greece was. Plans are usually made months in advance with the help of a 4 page spread sheet, a full scale calendar cross reference and a bi-weekly email reminder.


Key Phrases from the WhatsApp Group:

Girls does anyone follow your one ‘Insert name of the girl whose pic your fella just liked on Instagram here’?”
Every WhatsApp group in the history of girls WhatsApp groups has had a message similar if not exact to the above, you do it, I do it, your Mam would have done it 20 years ago had WhatsApp and Instagram existed, it is what it is, we’re all just curious little green eyed monsters.

“How do I do my tax girls?”
This question gets put in the group with every job change or pay increase, despite you all being well into your twenties you still have no idea how to organise your tax or what you should be paying and rely on your clever friend that works for Deloitte to sort it all out for you every time.

“UGH girls I’m never drinking again”
Said every Sunday morning followed by tales of your embarrassing drunk antics that the girls will remind you of for months to come.

“Does anyone have any dominos codes?”
Usually follows the above but on a Sunday evening.

“OMG Girls wait till I tell you..”
Followed by 209 screenshots and a 10,000 word essay, put the kettle on, sit down, get the reading glasses out your in for a long one.


Enemies of the WhatsApp Group:


Ok there will always be people you and the gals will bitch about and plenty of them at that, I’m nearly tempted to write everyone here, instead I’m gonna go with a list. Usually these enemies recieve the full monety when it comes to bitching, your gals will be the first to take down their every action expect screenshots and a running commentary on just how much we dislike this person.

  • Random people on public transport doing unacceptable things – sneezing, chewing, opening windows, breathing.
  • Fuckboys – Self explanatory they get a lot of coverage and probably too much analysis but are always a go-to topic of bitching.
  • Your Ex – May or may not be a fuckboy but he is still on the enemy list, and as soon as he is your ex there is a full blown onslaught of everything the gals ever disliked about him which is long and grows by the hour.
  • Girls that try it on with your boyfriend – Realistically this one has really dug her own grave and is enemy number 1 of the WhatsApp.
  • Awful managers/bosses – If you hate your boss the whole group hates your boss.
  • The girl who gets with your ex – Obviously there’s always going to be one of these in every group, in reality you’ve probably been this person in another group, it’s the circle of life for a period of time anyway.
  • Random celebs/bloggers you’re bitching about that month.
  • The Facebook idiot – You’re not sure when you last saw this chap in reality and really only maintain FB friendship so statuses can be screenshot and sent to the gals for the lols.
  • Irrational hated girl – You and the group literally have no reason to dislike this girl but at some stage someone decided they didn’t like this individual and ever since then you have all disliked her.
  • The ‘All Boy’s School Dickhead’ – Usually found still wearing their rugby rings from secondary school late into their twenties, also a big fan of making blatantly anti-feminists jokes and then telling you you’re stuck up when you don’t laugh.
  • The competition – This could be a guy, or a girl, you compete with in work or some other aspect of your life, you project it as friendly competition but really you hate their guts and they usually make the WhatsApp.
  • Middle aged men who tell you you’ll make a great housewife someday – Also often use the phrase ‘good girl’ despite talking to a 28 year old woman.
  • Piers Morgan- Always Piers Morgan.

Well that list was longer than expected…


WhatsApp Groups you need to escape:

You may count yourself as quite a lucky person but at one stage or another you will inevitably find yourself in one of the following titled WhatsApp groups. Godspeed to you, turn the group on mute and let the thousands of irrelevant messages you couldn’t give a fuck about pile up, or if you’re a ballzy little hun go straight ahead and just make an unexcused exit, because if there is fate worse than being added to any of the following, I am yet to meet it.

You have been added to:

“Reunion Drinks”: EEEEEEFFFFFF off! Usually this group will be compiled of people you no more want to meet for a reunion drink, realistically everyone in the group (bar the admin) will feel the same and so these reunion drinks will never materialise, so just go head and leave right now.

“Amy’s Baby Shower”: I might be slightly biased here and I presume this doesn’t apply to all, but I’d rather be added to a shower of shit than a baby shower group. A constant stream of baby themed cupcakes and strollers overtake your WhatsApp and will inevitably make you nauseous on a daily basis. Just tell me where to be and tell me how much money I need to contribute to the gift and leave me be, please!

“Work Palz”: PLEASE, I tolerate you people for forty hours a week leave me alone, there is no need for this virtual conversation email me, or tell me in work, we are not friends Sharon and I do not need to see any pictures of the Shepard’s Pie you made for dinner!!!!

Basically anything that involves the creation of a group outside of your main groups – I do not want to attend!


 

And there you have it, an in-depth insight into the sacrosanct that is the gals whatsapp group, is this anything like your own group if so which member are you?

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