Right so c’mere till I tell you, the celestial galaxies have aligned, there are reports of pigs mid-flight coming from reputable sources and all because, you, ever single, serial dater, owner of many cats. You – Have found yourself a possible suitor! Well if stranger things have ever happened we won’t hold our breath to hear them.
Anywaaay this whole scene is all very new to you, so you would be forgiven for jumping head first into the whole thing, throwing any caution to the wind and deciding you’re ready for a relationship. You like him, he’s a nice guy, he hasn’t dicked you about over the last few months and he has all 10 fingers and toes, seems perfect right? Right, but there’s still a few more questions you should to ask yourself before you go ahead and take yourself off the market.
Compatibility – It’s not you, it’s me.. No it is just me.
Do you find yourself falling like a deck of cards for every slight encounter you have? Every date you have seems to be ‘the one’, every man you ever meet seems to be just perfect. The girls have heard you say “No but we get on so well” over 20,000 times. Sound like you?
If this is a recurring trend it might be time to ask, is it compatibility or is it just you? Sometimes it’s no shame to realise that you’re the compatible one, you’re the life of the party and you’re the centre of every room. You’d hold a conversation with a lamp-post and that’s fine, but does it mean that you and every Joe Soap you pass on the street are great together? Probably not, ask yourself do you need to be more selective here, hang on in the dating pool a little longer till you can weed the Mr. Perfect from the Mr. Perfect for a little while.
Does the relationship stand the sobriety test?
Ok is he gas when he’s sober? Like he’s gaaas when he’s had a few G&T’s, but is he gas at 2pm on a Saturday while walking the dog? Do you get the LOL’s of a quiet Thursday night in watching shit TV? Cause I’ve been there thinking someone is heaps of fun over a few weeks of boozy dates, till you finally stumble upon a sober date where you realise this fella is a close contender for watching paint dry, or worse again is an ignorant prick. Probably says a lot more about my drinking patterns than it does my dating ones but still something to check.
What percentage of you are you really being?
Ok I’m all for holding in a fart for a few months around the new boo, that’s normal enough, I read somewhere the average is actually 5 months which I think is excessive but anyway all farts aside, what percentage of you are you being around this current squeeze? Are you the same you that the gals see on a wild night out or a sulky Sunday or are you guising the courtship with a little mask?
It’s normal to hold back initially but if you’re a few months in and still playing an angelic role in a pacifying play maybe he just ain’t the one. Ask yourself why you feel the need to hold back, why you might be insecure of being your full self and if he’s the reason then hop off the bus pet.
Do you get the big O?
Ok let’s be honest here the big O can be a lengthy journey for many, often takes time with a new partner to get into the groove, the big O can seem unobtainable at times but has he got the potential or are you riding down a one way street?
The Friend Test
If your girls are anything like mine they’re most comparable to a pack of wild wolves when it comes to defending you and protecting you from Fuckboys. You’re the same for them, we all hold this super high standard of what we expect for each other and sometimes that can be really unnerving.
Truthfully there’s nothing more annoying than seeing your friend spend all her time with her new boo and his pals while he makes the minimal effort to get to know her pals, c’mon mate we’re great craic here! I mean essentially once he’s not a total fuckwad, treats you with respect and makes you happy at that’s all the gals want for you, but I think it’s fairly important that he at least make an initial effort for their seal of approval.
Are you both singing from the same hymn sheet?
Ok before I go sounding like a very old woman from an ancient period in time – I know we are only in our 20’s and planning ahead in terms of significant others is outrageous. I know and I totally agree, I’m not talking about life trajectory plans here, I’m talking more so next 6 month plans, maybe general outlook plans.
You presumably like this chap for a reason but when I ask is he on the same page as you what I mean is, and it may sound awful, are you on the same page in terms of ambition.
The theory that we are products of our environment boils down to the people we surround ourselves with. As much as this chap ticks all the boxes for right now, and you might think ‘this isn’t marriage, it’s not that serious, this isn’t a forever plan’ being with someone who may not have as much ambition or the same outlook as you will inevitably stunt your right now and possibly impact your forever. At the end of the day you need to remember you’re the most important person in your life and really there isn’t any time to sacrifice that.
Are you ready?
Like are you ready to leave this wonderful world of Singledom? It’s a big departure, are you ready to share yourself with someone else, are you ready to say yeh you’re a one man woman now? Listen, believe me, it’s ok not to be, yeh you’ve been single for longer than it took for the pyramids of Egypt to be built, but look you’re killing it, so don’t let time push you any direction you’re not ready to go.
I’d gladly be a single fabulous bitch well into my 30’s than stuck with some dickwad I can’t stand the sight of just because I didn’t want to be alone, or my oul body clock was ticking along, fuck that it’s not 1957 if he doesn’t make you absolutely ecstatic then ask yourself, what’s the effing point?