12 Thing’s you’ll know if you’re addicted to puns

Some look for the good in every situation, some look for the fun in every situation, you? Well you look for the pun in every situation.

1. Eye rolls, eye rolls everywhere.

Eye rolls have become part and parcel of your everyday conversation, followed by loud sighs and groans of people dismayed at your pun brilliance. You might find this behaviour annoying but I have to say it has groan on me and now I don’t care, cause that’s just how eye roll.

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2. People think you’re kidding

New acquaintances will often find it unusual that you keep slipping puns into the conversation, they will question if you’re on the spectrum and to be fair that’s anyones guess, but soon they will learn that this is just you and when it comes to puns you commonly like to stand outside a field, why? Because you are outstanding in your field.

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3. You become the go-to pun panto.

For as long as you can remember you have been the dancing monkey of the group.
“Give us a pun there”.. These spectators do not know the dignity and decorum that laces every pun you deliver. You cannot just throw petty puns around to entertain these peasants.  Just like your favourite Disney princess Rapunzel, you sit on a high tower of puns which you hold in high esteem for just the right moment..

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4. Your brain does not operate like normal folk.

There is a little hamster on a wheel in your noggin, and it works over time to generate nothing but puns. While all your pals had their hamsters hard at work aiming for 6 hundred points in their Leaving Cert, your little hamster was more interested in getting 6 Pundred points. Ammiiright?

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5. You’re an eternal oppuntunist.

Never heard the word? Yeah because I just made it up, because I was looking for a pun. Yeh this one might be a stretch but look I’m going to take it, you have a deep propunsity to deliver puns and you know they are always best executed in an organic way but sometimes you just can’t help yourself.

6. You’ve often manipulated conversations to deliver a good pun.

Some call it a weakness I call it a strength. You’ll sit through a 30 minute conversation with Carol in your office about how she used to do ballet for years in her prime just so you can tell Carol that you actually used to tap dance for years and were actually very good at it.  ‘Why’d you stop?’ asks Carol…
I kept falling into the sink….

7. ‘Ugh… Not another Dad joke’ 

Listen pal, Dads are great, so are their jokes. The best thing about them is their jokes, the worst thing about them is the shitty unappreciative offspring like you that they bring into the world.

8. Puns are the lowest form of whit you know?

Ok Mary pipe down I don’t know who gave you a Likert scale of whit, but considering you haven’t cracked anything but an egg in about a year I recommend they take it back.
Ugh you’ve heard it a million times, I may be biased but I would strongly argue with Mary and say that the ability to make and understand puns is the highest level of whit and further to that language development entirely. MIC DROP MARY

9. Repeating an A-Grade pun is not beneath you by any means…

‘Oh you’re having a Blueberry muffin, oh that must be Berry nice… I said it must be BERRY nice Barry!!!!!’

10. You have been in more than one pun battle.

Ok some call them friendly pun conversations with back and forth retorts of puns, but you call them battles to the bitter death because you know you’re not loosing. Your brain is on par with IBM Watson when it comes to the storage and filing of puns by genre, situation, country, species and food category to name but a few. You are in for the long haul and you always win!

11. Ok what’s the punch line?

It’s not unusual for your peers and friends to linger on the end of your statements or sentences, waiting just those few seconds longer than normal conversations because they now expect there to be a quip or a pun or a one liner. They’re usually really surprised when you are just telling them you had a really nice pastry for breakfast this morning.. You donut remember what it was though…

12. They won’t beat you, they’ll join you.

You’ll notice a particular pattern form after some time. The eye rollers and the heavy sighers will one day join you. Of course they won’t be on your prestigious pun level but oh they’ll try. They’ll tag you in funny pun pictures online and seek your approval if they somehow managed to deliver a pun before you… You’ll be 97% smug as fuck and 3% pretty proud of their efforts.

 

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